With the latest killing of Tenile Cupid, a 23-year-old mother, allegedly at the hands of “a close
relative,” we must ask ourselves what is really wrong here? Our hearts break every time we
wake up to a story like this because we say to ourselves, it could have been someone I
know. The reality is that she is someone that someone knows – Tenile was a neighbor, a
daughter, a niece, a friend, a cousin, a mother…
Why is domestic violence so rampant in our country? Is it the abuse of alcohol? The perceived
shame of rejection? Stunted emotional intelligence? The widespread “gangsta nah taking that”
attitude? The objectification and dehumanization of women? How do all the bills, laws, offices,
and hotlines in place to assist with domestic violence help when so many women still end up
dead?
Many victimizers and even their victims have missed important life lessons such as how to deal
with rejection, how to value yourself, and how to be resilient in times of adversity. Many, many
men have failed to be the father, husband, brother, boyfriend, friend that they are supposed to
be to our women and children.
This lack of personal development needs examination and intervention at early stages – within
their family units or during primary and secondary education – or matters such as a “parting of
ways” will continue to end in death for too many women at the hands of emotionally delicate
and/or unstable men who have never learned to navigate psychosocial crises.
CCoTT adheres to the three principles of the CEDAW Convention
Equality / Non-Discrimination / State Obligation
tandtcedawcommittee@gmail.com
We need proactive services that engage people wherever they are and encourage them to
learn healthier ways to understand and manage difficult emotions long before they reach the
point of no return. As Tenile Cupid’s grandfather said very matter-of-factly, “Men need to learn
to keep their hands by their side…men need to respect women’s decisions.”
It is every individual’s choice to empower women to not only fight back, get out, or stay alive
but also to make better decisions about the people we keep in our circles. Likewise, we must
continue to raise our collective voices to bring attention to the demon of domestic violence and
support efforts to educate citizens – including perpetrators – to break the cycle of violence
against women which is increasingly ending in lives lost, families broken, and lifetime scars.